This is not typical of me. I am an introvert and a stoic by nature (except around a select few), but this is something I feel like I should share. I would venture to say that I am a very emotionally stable person and need no validation because I have found fulfillment in Christ, but sometimes it is good to get things off your chest.
I think marriage is a really cool concept. I would like to someday have a friend that I know will be there with me to experience all the different aspects of life and to actively pursue the Lord with. It is beautiful because it is a reflection of our lords relationship with his people. That sounds epic.

In Genesis 2 it says that it is not good for man to be alone, but the apostle Paul says that if you are called to do so, it is better to remain single. Its hard to know what you are called to do though when god is seemingly silent. In my mind I "trust" gods judgement, but I somehow still think he owes me answers. I find myself with a sense of entitlment toward things in my life.

Lately I have thought a lot about whether or not I will get married and if i do, what kind of person should I look for.

As much as I would love to, I feel like it might be extremely irresponsible to marry. I want to live first for the lord and I have come to find out that his will is never what you expect it to be. If I find myself called to something radical and dangerous or something that will cost me my reputation it would be hard to know that I am putting my wife in danger or costing her her reputation. There are certain things you cannot do when you need to be providing and protecting a family.

I often pray that god will allow me to meet girl who will someday stand behind me no matter what I do and who will trust me enough to follow me wherever the lord leads, and who I can pursue wholeheartedly until the day I die but I now know that his will is going to be done and I have learned that if I trust his guidance over my desires, amazing things will happen.

I dont know what will happen with my life, but I pray that I recieve answers so that I can know where i am going and press on full force. I know that if god wants me to be single, it is for the good works that he has planned in advance for me. I pray that if it is gods will for me to marry, that I can know and pursue that girl with active conviction wholeheartedly. I pray that god will provide me with wisdom and courage and perseverance so that I can provide the love and respect and honor any of Gods daughters deserve.

Right now God is silent or I have failed to hear him but my hope is that when his plan is revealed that I will spend myself completely accomplishing his will.